A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.  ~Theodore Roosevelt

A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in the students.  ~John Ciardi

Of course there’s a lot of knowledge in universities:  the freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don’t take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates.  ~Abbott Lawrence Lowell

If you have a college degree you can be absolutely sure of one thing… you have a college degree.

If you feel that you have both feet planted on level ground, then the university has failed you.  ~Robert Goheen, Time, 23 June 1961

It takes most men five years to recover from a college education, and to learn that poetry is as vital to thinking as knowledge.  ~Brooks Atkinson, Once Around the Sun, 1951


A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep. ~W.H. Auden

The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth which it prevents you from achieving.  ~Russell Green

A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D.  Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.  ~”Fats” Domino

Fathers send their sons to college either because they went to college or they didn’t.  ~L.L. Hendren

College is the best time of your life.  When else are your parents going to spend several thousand dollars a year just for you to go to a strange town and get drunk every night?  ~David Wood

A liberal education… frees a man from the prison-house of his class, race, time, place, background, family and even his nation.  ~Robert Maynard Hutchins

Does college pay?  They do if you are a good open-field runner.  ~Will Rogers

A college education shows a man how little other people know.  ~Thomas Chandler Haliburton

The average Ph.D. thesis is nothing but a transference of bones from one graveyard to another. ~J. Frank Dobie

College is a great experience and exposes you to a lot of things you might not otherwise learn or experience. You learn to evaluate things, think for yourself, and become a more independent person. Even if you decide not to use your specific degree, college can never be a waste of money if you get something important out of it. Your degree is like money in the bank; it opens up a lot of opportunities for you. ~Steven D. Woodhull

The primary purpose of a liberal education is to make one’s mind a pleasant place in which to spend one’s leisure. ~Sydney J. Harris

I never graduated from Iowa, but I was only there for two terms — Truman’s and Eisenhower’s. ~Alex Karras

College football is a sport that bears the same relation to education that bullfighting does to agriculture.  ~Elbert Hubbard

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage.  ~George Gobel

A liberal-arts education is supposed to provide you with a value system, a standard, a set of ideas, not a job.  ~Caroline Bird

I learned three important things in college – to use a library, to memorize quickly and visually, to drop asleep at any time given a horizontal surface and fifteen minutes.  ~Agnes DeMille

The new appears as a minority point of view, and hence is unpopular. The function of a university is to give it a sanctuary. ~Martin H. Fischer

I have a degree in liberal arts. Do you want fries with that?

Hitler destroyed the German university with design; we destroyed ours without. ~Martin H. Fischer (1879–1962)

No man should escape our universities without knowing how little he knows.  ~J. Robert Oppenheimer

The purpose of primary education is the development of your weak characteristics; the purpose of university education, the development of your strong. ~Nevin Fenneman

I am not impressed by the Ivy League establishments.  Of course they graduate the best – it’s all they’ll take, leaving to others the problem of educating the country.  They will give you an education the way the banks will give you money – provided you can prove to their satisfaction that you don’t need it.  ~Peter DeVries

Standardization is the fertilizer of college education. A little may be useful, but flowers do not grow in pure manure. ~Martin H. Fischer (1879–1962)

The purpose of a liberal education is to make you philosophical enough to accept the fact that you will never make much money.  ~Author Unknown

The elective system offered a bewildering freedom of choice, leaving some graduates with the impression that they had nibbled at dozens of canapés of knowledge and never had their fill.  ~Ted Morgan

Even an ass can die with a degree. All it takes is four years and four thousand dollars. ~Martin H. Fischer (1879–1962)

The quality of a university is measured more by the kind of student it turns out than the kind it takes in. ~Robert J. Kibbee

A place where pebbles are polished and diamonds are dimmed.  ~Robert G. Ingersoll

A university is a college with a stadium seating over 40,000.  ~Leonard L. Levinson

“There are some things you can’t learn at any university, except for one, the University of Life… the only college where everyone is a permanent student.”

Ah college years, those were the days. Pure freedom … leaving home for the first time…the parties…”
“What about the tutorials, the lectures, the large building with all the books called the ‘library’?”
“Is that what those were?” Gerry blithely replied.

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

How do you stop students use their brains?
You tell them to take notes.

An education isn’t how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It’s being able to differentiate between what you know and what you don’t. – Anatole France

Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire. – William Butler Yeats

Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence. – Robert Frost


Teacher: Why you didn’t do your homework?
Student: Sir, there was power failure so no light…
Teacher: You should light the candle then.
Student: Sir, there was no Lighter…
Teacher: Why you don’t have a Lighter?
Student: Sir, the candle was placed where we use to pray.
Teacher: SO.. you should take from there.
Student: Sir, I didn’t had bath…
Teacher: Why u didn’t took the bath?
Student: No water Sir…
Teacher: Why water was not available?
Student: Motor was not working!!!
Teacher: Stupid!!! Why the motor was not working?
Student: Sir, I have told you beginning itself there was no power!!!

Q: What do Berkeley and Stanford students have in common?
A: They both got into Berkeley.

Q. What’s the difference between a University of Alabama sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.

Q. Whats the difference between Alabama and cheerios?
A. One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn’t!

Q. Did you hear about the Alabama quarterback who tried to throw himself on the floor in a fit of rage?
A. He missed!

Q. Why do Arizona students have TGIF on their shoes?
A. Toes Go In First!

Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Sun Devil campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.

Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at Arizona State University?
A: They cause too much brain damage!

Q: Why don’t Arizona State Sun Devils fans let their kids play in sand boxes?
A: Because cats keep covering them up.

Q. Why do Razorbacks put a copy of their diploma in the window of their vehicles?
A. So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q. How do you get an Auburn student off your porch?
A. Pay him for the pizza!

Q. Why is Auburn always in the dark?
A. Because they’re afraid of Alabama Power.

Q: Why don’t Baylor University fans let their kids play in sand boxes?
A: Because cats keep covering them up.

Q: What do you say when you see a Bowling Green grad in a suit?
A: Will the defendant please rise!

Q: What’s the hardest thing about being an California Golden Bears football fan?
A: Telling your parents that you’re gay.

Q: What does the average California State University
student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

Q: What should you do if you find three UConn football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at Drexel University weddings?
A: To keep the flies off the bride.

Q: Do you know why the Duke University football team should change its name to the “Opossums”?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: What’s the difference between an Florida Gators fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q: Why don’t they have Christmas at FSU?
A: They can’t find a virgin and three wise men.

Q: What do you get when you cross an Georgia Bulldog and a pig?
A: Nothing. There’s some things that a pig will not do.

Q. What does Indiana University need to win a basketball championship?
A. A coach Kansas

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Lawrence, KS?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Q. How did the Wildcat die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!


How many Wildcats does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!

Q: How do you compliment an University Of Kentucky fan?
A: Nice tooth.

Q: What is the definition of safe sex down at the University Of Kentucky?
A: Placing a sign on the animals that kick…

Q: Did you hear about the fire in Louisiana State University’s football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn’t been colored yet.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of
Michigan campus?
A: A visitor.

Q: What do you get when you see blue and yellow?
A: Bruised.

Q: Why does Michigan have a big football stadium?
A: They have big heads.

Q: How do you kill a Wolverine?
A: Put it in an arena against a Spartan.